blood relatives.

so yesterday i came home from dropping of my son @ school and something triggered me to look up my biological father on facebook..i don't know why but i did.  i figured 50 somethings were now starting to join facebook more rapidly so it wouldn't hurt.  after searching with no luck i entered his name in google and it said born and then died i was like wtf? i was real anxious and read that he had passed away in 2008. i did a search for him in 2003 and spoke to him once on the phone i had every plan on meeting him and hopefully talking with him and seeing him for the first time.  yesterday my heart sunk and i paid to revive his obituary in the boston globe it talked about him having 2 other kids and being in vietnam in hand to hand combat for 4 years and being rewarded many medals.  he was 17 yrs old when he went to vietnam. i wanted to know him i wanted to see his photograph i was too late.  in the obituary it had his sisters name so yesterday i called her and talked with her for awhile she was very warm and understanding she said that he died suddenly @ 56 yrs old and he moved back up to boston to try and reconnect with me before he had passed.  she said he wanted to mend the bridge and reconnect.  i took this harder than i though and still am i feel like a hermit in my apartment crying every now and again...i don't know if this is a normal feeling or not i mean i never met him.  he is buried at the national cemetery in bourne ma for soldiers and i plan on visiting next weekend sometime. i guess looking him up i never expected to find a d. next to his name and i waited to long.